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I first discovered this movie when I was working in a video store right after high school. I saw the cheesy cover, the Lions Gate logo, and thought, "How bad could it be?" It was baaaaaaaaaad. Ron Hall seems like he does have some martial arts chops, but acting and directing are definitely not his forte. Once the credits started rolling, I immediately recognized the production company as the same guys who made 'Future War' and a ton of Gary Daniels' early flicks. None of which were particularly good, but all entertaining in that low-budget sorta way. Back in '05, it seemed Lions Gate was buying up nearly every low-budget independent film, slapping a decent-looking cover on a DVD, and hurling them into video stores every single week. I wound up renting most of them (hey, it was free) and 'Vampire Assassin' is one of the few that stuck with me. So much so that a couple months back the film popped into my head and I had to track down a copy on eBay. (Shipping cost more than the disc.) Either way, the film is clearly shot on mini-DV, so it has that mid-2000s digital video look. The special effects are terrible. The fights are painfully staged. Occasionally they speed up the frame-rate of the fights, causing it to look like a drug-enduced Benny Hill skit. I remember laughing hysterically when I first rented it. Now, nearly ten years later, I laughed just as hard. And, if nothing else, whether you're laughing with or at it, the film succeeds in being entertaining. And for that, it's worth seeing.
Walter Weed is an unassuming desk jockey at the FBI when the Bureau uncovers a plot to assassinate him. A team of degenerate, psychotic assassins dispatched by mystery man Hal Leuco to win a huge bounty includes a resourceful beauty who has a unique method of killing her prey, a power-tool wielding psychopath and a deadly master of disguise.
Trapped in a house of horror, seven people discover that the only way they'll get out alive is to tell their scariest stories.
A professor recruits a professional wrestler to protect his daughter from vampires intent on kidnapping her and marrying her to the devil.
Count Cagliostro, whose family has tried for generations to rid the world of vampires, instructs his daughter and her fiance to protect several valuable documents.
In the 16th century, the Inquisition condemns Count Orloff, a vampire and sorcerer to death. In the 19th century, the vampire Madame Kostoff arrives in Mexico and buys the house where the vampire was buried and revives him.
A seductively lethal vampire sect leader has been battling famed vampire hunter Van Helsing's descendent for decades. But now she and her bloodthirsty followers face extinction unless they can find a willing victim who will ensure their future survival. It's up to Van Helsing to stop the blood from flowing in this thrilling, action-packed duel to the death!
Three elderly distinguished gentlemen are searching for some excitement in their boring borgoueis lives and gets in contact with one of count Dracula's servants. In a nightly ceremony they restore the count back to life. The three men killed Dracula's servant and as a revenge, the count makes sure that the gentlemen are killed one by one by their own sons.
In the shadow of Castle Dracula, the Prince of Darkness is revived by blood trickling from the head-wound of an unconscious priest attempting exorcism. And once more fear and terror strikes Transylvania as the undead Prince of Darkness stalks the village of Keineneburg to ensnare victims and satisfy his evil thirst.
After a psychoanalyst unsuccessfully tries to convince four sisters that they are not 200 year old vampires, the Queen of the Vampires promulgates the cause of the Undead.
Six girls participate in the boot camp for assassins. The instructor of the boot camp is the legendary hitman, Kunioka. At first, they repel each other, but the girls gradually develop friendships while enduring the hard training. By chance, the girls get involved in a life-threatening battle with a group of anarchist hitmen.