Ava Moriarty, Art History PhD dropout-turned-dominatrix, wants OUT. But there's no safeword for golden handcuffs. When her mobster ex gives her 30 days to repay a massive loan, she's forced to agree to one last job-seducing and extorting "Father Dracula," a small town Episcopal priest. But Father Radovan Markovic brought his own secrets from Serbia, and moonlights as an MMA fighter while unwittingly hiding the world's greatest lost painting. Not to mention he's the one hot guy avoiding Ava like loose glitter. Certain he's embezzling a priceless art collection, will she win his heart only to destroy his life, or doom herself to a custom pair of concrete stilettos?
Attendees at a horror-film convention in San Francisco keep disappearing. It turns out that the guest of honor is a real vampire, and his henchmen are kidnapping the convention guests. A horror writer, a Sherlock Holmes fan and an Israeli Nazi-hunter set out to stop him.
When a major newspaper accuses wealthy socialite Connie Allenbury of being a home-wrecker, and she files a multi-million-dollar libel lawsuit, the publication's frazzled head editor, Warren Haggerty, must find a way to turn the tables on her. Soon Haggerty's harried fiancée, Gladys Benton, and his dashing friend Bill Chandler are in on a scheme that aims to discredit Connie, with amusing and unexpected results.
A pair of bus drivers accidentally steal their own bus. With the company issuing a warrant for their arrest, they tag along with a playboy on a boat trip that finds them on a tropical island, where a jewel thief has sinister plans for them.
The protagonist is Carmen X, a sexy female member of a terrorist gang. She asks her uncle Jean, a washed-up film director if she can borrow his beachside house to make a film with some friends, but they are in fact planning to rob a bank. During the robbery she falls in love with a security guard. The film intercuts between Carmen's escape with the guard, her uncle's attempt to make a comeback film, and a string quartet attempting to perform Beethoven.
Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private join forces with undercover organization The North Wind to stop the villainous Dr. Octavius Brine from destroying the world as we know it.
Martians fear their children have become lazy and joyless due to their newfound obsession with Earth TV shows. After ancient Martian leader Chochem suggests that the children of Mars need more fun—including their own Santa Claus—supreme leader Lord Kimar assembles an expedition to Earth. Once there, they kidnap two children who lead them to the North Pole, then capture the real Santa Claus, taking all three back to Mars in an attempt to bring the Martian children happiness.
Father O'Malley is sent to St. Mary's, a run-down parochial school on the verge of condemnation. He and Sister Benedict work together in an attempt to save the school, though their differing methods often lead to good-natured disagreements.
Dave has been enjoying life until he receives an ex-girlfriend's wedding invitation. Even though Beth dumped him years ago, Dave knows it's their destiny to be together. So Dave embarks on a quest: to save Beth from certain death-by-boredom, return balance to the universe, and maybe get in a little awesome skiing. Dave convinces his buddies to join him in his quest to make things right.