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Though definitely a guilty pleasure from the cheesy 80's of which I grew up, this is such outstandingly fun. It's so unique a cinematic experience, knowing what we know of Schwarzenegger's life and career the 34 years since, seeing him at this juncture, as he's just starting out. (No, I haven't seen 'Stay Hungry' yet.) Part of me always wishes he had simply stuck to these films (as well as the 'Terminator' series), and was still making them. In his prime, I dare you to find anyone better at this kind of material. Director Milius has a fine feel for the swords-and-sandals/fantasy worldscape this material requires. An excellent and underrated supporting cast is here at well to help Arnie out, too.
***"Sit here... SIT HERE"*** I was hugely disappointed by "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) when I first viewed it because it deviated too far from the blueprint established by creator Robert E. Howard. Yeah, they got many things right, but the things they got wrong ruined the film for me. Yet I’ve warmed up to it over time because one can’t deny the film’s merits. If you’re a fan of the books and the faithful comics, it’s important to realize going in that this is an ALTERNATIVE Conan, similar to Howard's, but far from a strict interpretation. The flaws mostly have to do with John Milius and Oliver Stone's deviation from Howard. Consider the opening sequence of Conan as a little boy on his father’s knee getting advice about the trustworthiness of the sword: Sorry, but the lad looks like an average soft suburbanite boy, not a tough kid that grew up in the wilds of Cimmeria, land of darkness and deep night. Secondly, the "wheel of pain" sequence is just dumb. I have a bit more respect for this part now that I realize it's a metaphor for the cyclical drudgery of grade school but, c'mon, the REAL Conan wouldn't spend that many years in captivity! He would have escaped long before, not to mention slay his captors. I suppose it helps when consider that Stone & Milius were taking bits from Howard’s other creations, like Kull, who was a slave for a few years. Thirdly, when they first meet Valeria while robbing the temple of Set the flick cops a decidedly campy tone. Although Sandahl Bergman is great throughout the rest of the picture that initial meeting is pretty cringe-inducing. It was at this point that I really tuned out when I first viewed the film. Fourthly, one of the worst parts is when Conan grovels at Thulsa Doom's feet crying, "You killed my father; you killed my mother!" This in no way resembles Howard's Conan. But, in its defense, it does make Conan more human and therefore more relate-able to the viewer. Thankfully, the film has several strengths, starting with the magnificent and awe-inspiring score by Basil Poledouris. The movie's worth viewing just to hear this score. Secondly, despite acceptable discrepancies (e.g. Conan has black hair not brown), the casting is quite good; although Schwarzenegger doesn’t really reflect the air of REH’s character (Jason Momoa is far better). Thirdly, Milius & Stone show their brilliance by incorporating Genghis Khan's historical quote in Conan's response to "What is best in life?" Conan answers: "To crush enemies, see dem driven before you and to hear da lamentation of der women." Fourthly, the locations, sets and costuming are superb. They certainly got the LOOK of Robert E. Howard's Hyborian Age right. Fifthly, As long as one is prepared to accept the deviation from Howard's Conan, the story keeps your interest throughout (which is my way of determining the worthiness of ANY flick). Sixthly, Sandahl Bergman is super sharp and sexy; she possesses a certain barbaric beauty essential to the role and it's hard not to gaze at her shapely form in awe when she's on screen. Lastly, the overall tone of the film is quite serious and brooding. Despite Valeria's initial campy sequence mentioned earlier and a couple of amusing scenes with Mako, the film eludes the rut of camp (unfortunately the 1984 sequel cannot boast of this quality). SPECIAL MOMENTS AND INTERESTING ITEMS: •The love scene between Conan & Valeria and, later, the death/funeral pyre scenes are reverent, beautiful and moving. The accompanying piece by Poledouris is emotionally potent. •Conan's spiritual evolution in regards to sexuality and love is interesting: His first exposure is as a slave when beautiful women are occasionally thrown to him for the amusement of those watching. After he acquires his freedom his first (and presumably only) experience with casual sex goes horribly wrong. Later in Zamora he dismisses the solicitations of prostitutes with a wave and a derogatory word. Finally he meets Valeria and discovers true love and commitment, conveyed well in the love/death/funeral scenes noted above. •Both the battles inside the mountain fortress and, later, the showdown at the mounds are thrilling with the accompanying score getting your blood pumping. •Right before the battle at the mounds Conan and Subotai brace themselves as the 'riders of doom' trot forth. You can see the bold determination on their faces: They have no other recourse; they will stand and fight as men, come what may. (All men will eventually have to stand and fight in this manner one way or another, and we wuss out at our own peril). •After their unlikely victory Conan raises his arms (and weapons) in salute to the altar where Valeria was cremated. It gives you goosebumps. Both "The Complete Quest" and "Collector's Edition" contain an excellent 55-minute "Making Of" documentary wherein all of the principle actors and creators are interviewed, as well as an excellent commentary by Milius and Schwarzenegger. FINAL ANALYSIS: Like I said, I've finally come to see the magnificence of "Conan the Barbarian," but I had to get over my hang ups concerning the deviations from Howard's Conan to see it. As an ALTERNATIVE Conan it's a nigh masterpiece of cinematic art. One last thing: Um, don't use that first line of dialogue ("Sit here... SIT HERE") on your wife or girlfriend; I tried it and she didn't take too kindly to it! The film runs 2 hours, 9 minutes, and was shot in Spain. GRADE: A-
A former murderer and genius chef along with a waitress come together with a group of fantastical assassins in a diner. A girl with a hollowness in her heart, who believes that she belongs nowhere, is thrust into a series of attacks where she must struggle to find her will to live.
After saving the life of their heir apparent, tenacious loner Snake Eyes is welcomed into an ancient Japanese clan called the Arashikage where he is taught the ways of the ninja warrior. But, when secrets from his past are revealed, Snake Eyes' honor and allegiance will be tested – even if that means losing the trust of those closest to him.
Epic film of the legendary Spanish hero, Rodrigo Diaz ("El Cid" to his followers), who, without compromising his strict sense of honour, still succeeds in taking the initiative and driving the Moors from Spain.
A child is born. We see underwater swimmers representing this. He is young, in a jungle setting, with two fanciful "instincts" guiding him as swooping bird-like acrobats initially menace, then delight. As an adolescent, he enters a desert, where a man spins a large cube of metal tubing. He leaves his instinct-guides behind, and enters a garden where two statues dance in a pond. As he watches their sensual acrobatics of love, he becomes a man. He is offered wealth (represented by a golden hat) by a devil figure. In a richly decorated room, a scruffy troupe of a dozen acrobats and a little girl reawaken the old man's youthful nature and love.
The adventures of a blind, gambling masseur and master swordsman. Zatoichi targets a yakuza-controlled village, because war with a neighbouring town's smaller gang is brewing.
Miser Ebenezer Scrooge is awakened on Christmas Eve by spirits who reveal to him his own miserable existence, what opportunities he wasted in his youth, his current cruelties, and the dire fate that awaits him if he does not change his ways. Scrooge is faced with his own story of growing bitterness and meanness, and must decide what his own future will hold: death or redemption.
In the kingdom of Boka Boka, lives Princess Camellia, who can speak to magical creatures. One day, she loses control of three such creatures, causing them to flee. She sets on a quest to find them and lands on Earth. Meanwhile, human sisters Maggie and Michelle are eager to see SNH48 live, but their fairy caretaker Shirley doesn't agree. They find Camellia, and together with her and fellow Princess Emma of Gemini, they set off to the magical creatures.
Disgraced and cast out of his tribe for lusting after Lana, the mate of the tribe's head muscle man, Atouk stumbles along gathering other misfits and learning a bit about the world outside of his cave. Eventually he and friends Lar and Tala learn the secrets of fire, cooked meat, and how to defend themselves from the brutal, yet very stupid dinosaurs.
A quiet young English girl named Alice finds herself in an alternate version of her own reality after chasing a white rabbit. She becomes surrounded by living inanimate objects and stuffed dead animals, and must find a way out of this nightmare — no matter how twisted or odd that way must be. A memorably bizarre screen version of Lewis Carroll’s novel ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’.
A very free adaptation of Marlowe's 'Doctor Faustus', Goethe's 'Faust' and various other treatments of the old legend of the man who sold his soul to the devil. A nondescript man is lured by a strange map into a sinister puppet theatre, where he finds himself immersed in an indescribably weird version of the play, blending live actors, clay animation and giant puppets.
During the times of King Arthur, Kayley is a brave girl who dreams of following her late father as a Knight of the Round Table. The evil Ruber wants to invade Camelot and take the throne of King Arthur, and Kayley has to stop him.