The Third Rule

CREMASTER 1 (1995) is a musical revue performed on the blue Astroturf playing field of Bronco Stadium in Boise, Idaho - Barney's hometown. Two Goodyear Blimps float above the arena like the airships that often transmit live sporting events via television broadcast. Four air hostesses tend to each blimp. The only sound is soft ambient music, which suggests the hum of the engines.

A woman enters a bar and asks for a bit of conversation, but what she gets in return is a bunch of bad pickup lines sung to her by a cowboy and the bartender singing the cowboy's virtues.

A bantamweight boxer has moved to Toonerville with his sissy-looking but well-trained son. When he gets into a dispute with Mickey Maguire, nothing will settle the matter but a meeting in the squared ring.

Plump and Runt are street musicians who are rivals for Florence's affection.

Mickey McGuire is putting on a bad performance of Uncle Tom's Cabin, but first he has to deal with the competition; another boy is putting on a wild animal show - house cats inflamed by the "tamer" having white mice in his trousers.

Hank Rouser, "Big Noise Hank," as a daring stranger had called him, was mad clear through. Julius Jones had faithfully promised to return that $500 after thirty days, and now it was long past due, and not even a line from Mr. Jones. So after a little friendly persuasion, in which Hank's six-shooter was brought into prominence, the bar was effectively cleared of its patrons, despite the protests of the barkeeper, and the bully sat down to dispatch a few terse sentences to his tardy friend, upon the receipt of which, Julius, with the aid of Caleb, his old family servant, quickly packed his traveling bag and started on a little journey, which he wrote to H. Rouser, would surely keep him away several months. (Moving Picture World)

When a gang of outlaws put Andy Clyde's ranch house under siege, daughter Alice Day recruits college heart throb Ralph Graves to save daddy.

Johnny Arthur has been ordered to spend a year out west to toughen him up, so he and butler George Davis head out. The cowboys at the ranch don't like him, so Johnny and they play practical jokes on each other. However, when Virginia Vance is kidnapped, it turns out to be real desperadoes.