We Can't Have Everything

Harpo played the hero, a detective named Watson who "made his entrance in a high hat, sliding down a coal chute into the basement". Groucho played an "old movie" villain, who "sported a long moustache and was clad in black", while Chico was probably his "chuckling [Italian] henchman". Zeppo portrayed a playboy who was the owner of a nightclub in which most of the action took place, including "a cabaret, [which allowed] the inclusion of a dance number". The final shot showed Groucho "in ball and chain, trudging slowly off into the gloaming". Harpo, in a rare moment of romantic glory, gets the girl in the end. This film is lost.

Silas Warner dictates a letter commanding his son Harry to leave college at once and enter his office as an employee. Furthermore, Mr. Warner has in mind the marriage of his son to his partner's daughter. When Harry receives his father's letter, he returns home, but takes a decided stand in opposition to his father's ideas. Furthermore, Harry is about to be married to Rose Blend. Warner's partner, Martin, turns out to be a defaulter, and almost ruins the firm. Harry reads a newspaper account of his father's ills and trouble, so he and his wife go to see and assist him. As Mr. Warner is convalescent, he extends to his son and wife his parental blessings.

Jim Smith and Sallie Rice are very much in love with each other, but her father vehemently shows his disapproval of Jim. An elopement is planned, and at midnight Jim has the country magistrate waiting for him at the cross roads. He goes to tap on Sallie's window, but makes a mistake and awakens old man Rice, who, clad in his pajamas, pursues him with a shot-gun, and as Jim joins the magistrate, takes a pot shot at them, which finds lodgement in the judge's back. When Rice finds out what he has done, he is in fear of the law, but Jim pays the judge to settle the matter on condition that Rice gives his consent to his daughter's marriage.

A short silent comedy starring Mabel Normand and Ford Sterling.

When her husband dies and leaves her penniless, Mrs. Lawrence Evringham moves in with her wealthy but grim father-in-law and schemes to marry Eloise, her daughter, to the rich Dr. Ballard.

A villain attempts to win the love of a pretty fisher girl, who is in love with a village youth. The villain finally kidnaps the girl and carries her out to a rock at low tide, where he ties her. He stands on the shore hoping that the rising water will force her to promise to marry him. The water rises higher and higher, tremendous waves dashing over the girl, and when it seems impossible for her to live another minute her sweetheart arrives with a crowd of the village people and rescues her.

Father wants Mabel to marry a little, wealthy shrimp. She is in love with Charlie, a big, strapping fellow. Mabel is locked up in the house, but her lover sets the house on fire, and In the confusion runs to the minister's house with her. Father and his choice pursue, but Mabel and her lover hide in the chimney. Father sticks around with a big gun, and Mabel and her lover make up as negroes and are married, father being persuaded to act as best man.

Jones is broke. His girl is giving a birthday party, and her various suitors give her costly presents. Jones finds a beautiful lavaliere, which be gives to Mabel, and wins her heart. He is chosen as the foreman of a jury, and when petty offenders are brought to trial turns a deaf ear to all pleas for mercy, gaining the hatred of the other jurors. Finally a man is brought up who is to he tried for stealing the necklace Jones found. A strong case is shown, and all the other jurors want to find him guilty, but Jones holds out for an acquittal. Mabel comes into the court room and sits alongside of the complainant. The necklace is seen and an uproar takes place. Jones is accused as a thief and in a highly melodramatic manner takes a huge vial from his pocket, drinks the contents and falls back dead.

An American agent exchanges places in prison with a condemned British officer and brother of a woman he greatly admires and goes to the gallows.

Pierre Felix, a couturier, makes a $25,000 bet with Ralph Courtland that he can take a girl from the streets, dress her appropriately, and within three months have her accepted into society.

Flighty Helen Halverson decides that she wants to marry Big Jim McKenzie, the boss of the logging camp her father owns, after he is temporarily blinded after he crashes his toboggan into a tree in order to avoid hitting Helen. She convinces her cousin Adele-who is actually also in love with Jim-to get him to propose. Jim's sight returns and he and Helen marry, but on the day their child is to be born, he goes blind again. Frustrated by being married to a blind man, Helen falls in love with his assistant Jean Du Bray. Complications ensue.